REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #4 out of 4:Beyond Heaven and Hell
And so this reposting ends....
This Holiday Special is brought to you by:
Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch Action Figures: Now you can
have fun recreating the Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch
mini-series in your own home! The set includes Dying-of-Disease-Little
Girl, Santa Claus-Strapped-to-a-Nuclear-Warhead, Namer Boy,
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, Treesus Lyce, and of course Cauliflower!
Money: Money. The more you have the more powerful you are! The more
you have the happier you are! If you had no money you would be on the
streets cold, starving, and rummaging through dumpsters! Money. You
need it. You need it bad! Money. This has been a public service
announcement brought to you by The Church of the Mammon Worshippers.
And now...
The JONG Company proudly presents:
CAULIFLOWER THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE POOCH
#4 (out of 4)
...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #4 out of 4:Beyond Heaven and Hell
And so this reposting ends....
This Holiday Special is brought to you by:
Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch Action Figures: Now you can
have fun recreating the Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch
mini-series in your own home! The set includes Dying-of-Disease-Little
Girl, Santa Claus-Strapped-to-a-Nuclear-Warhead, Namer Boy,
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, Treesus Lyce, and of course Cauliflower!
Money: Money. The more you have the more powerful you are! The more
you have the happier you are! If you had no money you would be on the
streets cold, starving, and rummaging through dumpsters! Money. You
need it. You need it bad! Money. This has been a public service
announcement brought to you by The Church of the Mammon Worshippers.
And now...
The JONG Company proudly presents:
CAULIFLOWER THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE POOCH
#4 (out of 4)
Beyond Heaven and Hell
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life flipped through another magazine. It
was an issue of Net.tion.al Geo.graph.GIF. It had a big cover story on
Andale Atoll. There were pictures of the Andale Atoll beaches filled
with bikini-clad tourists sunbathing. There was also an interview with
Acton Lord in it. It was a pretty cheesy interview. Acton Lord went on
about the corruption of environmental protectionism and also slammed
Sig.Lad and the LNH. There was a lot of stuff in the article about
Robot Invasion. How old was this magazine? The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life looked at the cover. July 1994. Damn. That would
have been around the time of Retcon Hour. God, these magazines were
old. Hell, they probably weren't even in continuity. One of these days
he was going to have to tell someone to buy some updated magazines for
the waiting hallway. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life put the magazine
back in the magazine pile and picked another. Off in the distance, he
could hear the sound of Captain Clean-up's vacuum cleaner.
Occultism Kid returned yesterday with the Pinecone from the One True
Christmas Tree. A pinecone that would, according to legend, heal anyone
who believed in The Power of Christmas. Right now Organic Lass, Dr.
Stomper, Kid Kirby, Occultism Kid, and Vapid Veterinarian were in a room
trying to save Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch with that very
pinecone. And of course they would, wouldn't they? They had to. This
was a Christmas story. And that's how Christmas stories worked. They
always had a happy ending. Then again, this might be one of those
cynical postmodern type Christmas Stories, which deconstructs the whole
Christmas story genre. And if that was the case who knew what would
happen. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life sighed. This waiting was
killing him. He couldn't keep it up anymore. He wanted Cauliflower to
either be cured or dead. Something absolute. Something that resolved
all of this.
And after awhile, The Incredible Man-With-No-Life got that resolution.
Organic Lass, Dr. Stomper, Kid Kirby, Occultism Kid, and Vapid
Veterinarian all walked out of the room together. Each one except for
Kid Kirby looked exhausted.
"Well? Did it work?" asked The Incredible Man-With-No-Life. "Did the
pinecone work? Is Cauliflower all right?"
At first none of them answered. And they probably didn't need to answer
since the grave defeated look on each one of their faces answered the
question. Finally, Kid Kirby spoke. "Our will was strong, Incredible
Man-With-No-Life, but..." Kid Kirby gave a pause as if he really didn't
want to finish what he'd been saying. Finally, he did finish. "But the
Writer -- The Writer's will was stronger."
And somewhere, Captain Clean-up's vacuum cleaner filled the empty
silence with noise.
| | | | | | | | |
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There he was. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life saw the body on the
examining table. Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch's lifeless
body. He was dead. A few hours ago, he had been alive. But now? He
was dead. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life lightly brushed the fur on
Cauliflower's head with his hand.
"I'm sorry." The voice came from Occultism Kid who also was standing
there. "I must have picked the wrong tree. I must have. I thought it
was the right one. Should have searched longer."
"It's all right, Occultism Kid," The Incredible Man-With-No-Life
responded. "You tried. You went to Hell, and tried. Maybe there was
no tree. Maybe it was just a myth."
"Maybe. Hopefully, you're right. Just don't know." Occultism Kid
scratched his head.
"You know?" The Incredible Man-With-No-Life said looking at Occultism
Kid. "There's always one thing I wondered about Cauliflower. Where he
came from. We never found that out. He never talked about his past."
"I've got all kinds of sources in the Occult world. I'm sure they could
dig something up if you want," Occultism Kid suggested.
"It's tempting, but.." The Incredible Man-With-No-Life shook his head,
"Cauliflower wanted his past to be a secret. I don't know why he wanted
it to be, but he did. As much as I'd like to know, I've got to respect
that secrecy. Maybe he had good reasons for his secrets. Or maybe
there were some skeletons that Cauliflower didn't want us to know about.
Maybe Cauliflower was some kind of supervillain who had committed
horrible crimes and he came to Net.ropolis for some kind of redemption.
Or maybe not. I don't know. He didn't want us to know his past and
we have to respect that. Because of what he did."
"Yeah. You're probably right. Although as a Betting man, I'd say that
his past was probably cleaner than most people, IMWNL."
There were a few seconds of silence as the two heroes stared at their
fallen comrade. Then the Incredible Man-With-No-Life resumed the
conversation. "You know. Considering all of the things Cauliflower did
while he was here, you would almost expect him to just rise up from the
dead. Don't you?"
Occultism Kid put his hand on The Incredible Man-With-No-Life's
shoulder. "Don't think so. I don't think that's going to happen, IMWNL."
"Yeah. You're probably right," The Incredible Man-With-No-Life said
petting Cauliflower one last time. "You're probably right."
| | | | | | | | |
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Christmas Day
"The Brotherhood of Net.Villains sends their condolences. Out of
respect for Cauliflower they will refrain from attacking the LNH and
Net.ropolis for one week," Kyoko Ishikawa said reading a message pad in
her left hand.
"Yeah, right. I believe that," the Ultimate Ninja said rolling his
eyes. "I want surveillance doubled on all their members."
Kyoko scribbled something on a sheet of paper. "Oh, and there are these
two cults. One called the Church of the Living Cauliflower. The other
the Church of the Miracle Pooch. They both are requesting that the LNH
hand over Cauliflower's body over to their specific churches."
"That's just great. Well, tell them that they're too late. We already
handed Cauliflower's body to the Cult of the Cauliflower Pickers."
"We did what -- ?" Kyoko did a double take before she realized that the
Ultimate Ninja wasn't being serious. "Oh. I see. So where is this
'Cult of the Cauliflower Pickers' located?"
The Ultimate Ninja rubbed his chin as he thought about it. Finally he
answered, "Hmm. The Northpole sounds like a good location."
"The Northpole. Gotcha. Oh, and Oliver Stone called. He wants to
examine Cauliflower's body."
"Oliver Stone? Okay, this ought to be good. Explain to me why the hell
Oliver Stone wants to examine Cauliflower's body."
"Well, he's doing this film about Cauliflower and has this theory that
the CIA had Cauliflower assassinated to prevent him from becoming the
next President because they were afraid of his secret plan to end the
war in I.Racc and create a lasting Middle East peace. He also believes
that the Russians and Chinese may also be involved. And maybe even some
Space Aliens. Oh yeah, he's calling the film, 'The Passion of the
Cauliflower'. So what should I tell him?"
"Tell him we already handed Cauliflower's body over to a group of Space
Aliens with Russian accents. And tell him I want a refund for
'Alexander'. God, I can't believe this. Both Sig.Lad's and Lost Cause
Boy's deaths were picnics of sanity compared to this! Every goddamn
world leader wants to be at Cauliflower's funeral. We're even getting
ambassadors from outer space! Is it just me, or is all of this starting
to get totally ludicrous? He was a dog for God's sake! He was just a dog!"
Kyoko shook her head. "He wasn't just a dog, UN. He was Cauliflower."
"You're right. I'm sorry. He was Cauliflower. I guess I'm stressed
out. With the media swarming outside -- It's been a tough morning,
Kyoko. This is the worst part about being leader of the LNH. Arranging
funerals for members. I hate it. Every single time I hope it's the
last one. But I know it won't be." The Ultimate Ninja clenched his
fist as if he had a great desire to hit something. But there was
nothing to hit. "God, I hate it."
Kyoko nodded her head. There was silence for a few seconds before the
Incredible Man-With-No-Life entered the lobby and broke it.
"Umm, Ultimate Ninja? You wanted to see me?" asked the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life.
"Yes," the Ultimate Ninja said turning to face the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life. "I want you to do something for me. You know the
girl that Cauliflower saved? Misty Summers? Well, she and her family
are coming to the LNHQ at noon today. I want you to meet them and talk
to them."
"Me?" the Incredible Man-With-No-Life said in a shaky voice. "Why me?"
"Look. Normally I'd do this myself, but this is going to be a really
busy day for me. Not only do I have to help with managing the funeral,
but there are also a number of LNH crises taking shape. Apparently a
bunch of sentient snowmen have overthrown the Canadian government."
"Really? When did that happen?"
"Umm, not sure. Two weeks ago I'd guess. And well the LNH probably
should do something about it. Plus there have been rumors that Manga
Man has been trying to destabilize the economy in various fanfiction
newsgroups in a power grab attempt. I've got to send some teams to
check it out. If it's true we might be on the brink of a large
inter-newsgroup war. Hopefully we can stop it before it reaches that
point. So, it's going to be a busy day and I need you to do this for
me. Of all the LNH'rs you knew Cauliflower the best, so I figured you'd
be the best person to do this. Besides -- not like you've got anything
better to do, right?"
"Umm, yeah. I guess."
"Good. They'll be here at noon. You probably should comb your hair, or
something. Well, goodluck." And with that the Ultimate Ninja left the
lobby to go wherever LNH leaders go to when they have busy days.
| | | | | | | | |
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The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looked at his watch. It was noon. Why
was the Ultimate Ninja making him do this? Why couldn't he have given
this job to Catalyst Lass or Special Bonding Boy? There were good at
this sort of crap. What was he going to say to them? What could he say?
He glanced at the LNH's doorway. There was a guy and a woman in their
thirties walking through it. And he saw the guy holding the door open
for someone who he recognized. Misty Summers. She was looking a lot
better than she had when he'd seen her last. Still, she didn't look
very happy to be here. She looked nervous. Well, guess I'd better go
meet them, the Incredible Man-With-No-Life thought to himself.
"Hi, there. I'm the Incredible Man-With-No-Life. You must be Misty's
parents, right?"
The woman gave a large smile. "Yep. I'm Mindy and this is Mike -- my
husband." The man also smiled and waved his hand. "We just want to
thank you and the LNH for inviting us here."
"Well, you're certainly welcome. So, I take it Misty's feeling a lot
better?"
"Oh, it's just amazing what's happened. I just don't know where to
begin. We can't even begin to thank you for what you've done for our
daughter."
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life began to look a little uncomfortable.
"Well, you shouldn't be thanking me for it. It was Cauliflower. He was
the one who cured your daughter."
"Yes. Cauliflower." The name seemed to sober up whatever happiness
there was in the room. "I wish we'd had a chance to thank him. When we
heard the news -- it was devastating. It's been a strange week. On one
hand our daughter is healthy again, but on the other hand... It's
painful watching anyone die. Back when we had to watch Misty -- it was
horrible. There's nothing worse than watching your own child waste
away. And there's a point where you start to give up hope. Prayers
become meaningless. You start to wonder what color dress you're going
to bury your... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." A tear started to
stream down one of Mindy's eyes. Mike went over and comforted her.
"Misty's alive. She's alive. God. It's like a dream. Sometimes I'm
afraid it is a dream. Sometimes..."
"It's not a dream, Mrs. Summers. It's real," the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life said in a reassuring voice. "Would you like to see
Cauliflower's room? We shared a room and it still has quite a bit of
Cauliflower's stuff still in it."
"We could do that," Mike Summers said. "What do you think, Misty?
Would you like to go see Cauliflower's room?"
"I guess," Misty said in a not very cheerful voice looking away from
everyone.
"Well, okay," the Incredible Man-With-No-Life said starting to head
towards the LNHQ hallways. "You should probably stick close to me. The
LNHQ is a very weird place. Sometimes hallways and rooms disappear and
walls appear out of nowhere."
Suddenly, as if to illustrate that point, they heard someone shouting
something.
"Gang way, folks! I'm going for the world's record!" The voice was
Bad-Timing Boy's who was balancing on one hand on a bicycle that was
barreling through the hallway at incredible speeds. The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life quickly grabbed Misty's arm and pushed her to safety
from Bad-Timing Boy's out of control bicycle.
"Dammit, Bad-Timing Boy!" The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looked at
Misty. "Are you all right?"
Misty nodded her head although her heart was still beating rapidly.
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looked around. There were no signs of
Bad-Timing Boy or Misty's parents. "Look. It's okay. Your parents are
somewhere in the LNHQ. I've got a comm.thingee back in my room. We can
use it to contact someone to go find them. Okay?"
Misty gave another nod as her heart rate returned to normal.
As they entered his room, the Incredible Man-With-No-Life clicked on his
comm.thingee. "Multi-Tasking Man? There are two normals somewhere in
the LNHQ. Mike and Mindy Summers. They're probably with Bad-Timing
Boy. I want you to get someone to find them and bring them to my room.
Oh yeah, tell them their daughter's fine. Thanks!" The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life clicked off his comm.thingee. "Your parents will
probably be here in a few minutes."
"This is Cauliflower's room. Also mine. The Ultimate Ninja was too
cheap to give Cauliflower his own room so we became roommates. There,
that bed," the Incredible Man-With-No-Life said pointing to a very small
bed, "That was Cauliflower's. You see that gigantic card on that wall?
That's a trophy from when Cauliflower teamed-up with Elvis Man and
saved Las Vegas from being destroyed by the Robot with Lawrence Welk's
Brain. And this..." The Incredible Man-With-No-Life picked up a very
small skateboard. "This was given to him by the California Kid.
California Kid designed it himself. Here," the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life said as he handed the skateboard to Misty to look at.
"And there?" the Incredible Man-With-No-Life pointed to a large
collection of CDs. "That's Cauliflower's Neil Diamond collection. God.
He had every single album that Neil Diamond ever made. Cauliflower
loved Neil Diamond almost as much as he loved eggnog. God." The
Incredible Man-With-No-Life picked out one of the CDs. The CD was
called Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show. "I really hate Neil
Diamond. But sometimes -- sometimes I miss it. The way Cauliflower
would come back to our room sometimes after a long grueling day of
saving the world and he would just crank that Neil Diamond up on the
stereo. I miss that." He put the CD back into its place on the rack.
"Miss that."
"I'm sorry," Misty said with a sad expression on her face.
Her voice brought the Incredible Man-With-No-Life back to the present.
"Sorry? For what?"
"For killing Cauliflower." Misty's eyes started to well up.
"No! Don't say that. Please? You didn't kill Cauliflower. Don't
think it. Here," He said as he helped Misty on to his bed. "Sit down.
And I'll try to explain. You see..." He looked at Misty and then he
looked at a big Neil Diamond poster on the wall.
"Cauliflower was the type of dog that if he saw something was wrong with
the world, he had to change it. Even if it were impossible, he would
try his hardest to make it possible. Sometimes no matter the cost he
would try. I don't know. I guess that day he saw you in your sick bed
-- he knew it was wrong. He had to change it. He had to stop this
little girl from dying and was willing to do whatever it took. He knew
the risks. But he still he had to do it. That was Cauliflower. He
wouldn't be Cauliflower if he didn't try to save us all. Don't feel
guilty, Misty. Cauliflower wanted you to live a long happy life.
That's why he did it. He wanted us all to be happy."
"Is he in heaven?" Misty asked.
"If there is one, he's there."
Misty looked directly into the Incredible Man-With-No-Life's face.
"What if there's no heaven?"
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life paused as if he wasn't sure what to say.
Then he finally answered. "I -- He lives in our memories. He lives
in our hearts. He's always going to be there. Cauliflower's always
there somewhere. He's the part of us that refuses to give up when
everything looks bleak. He's the helping hand to those that need help.
He's our compassion and forgiveness. He's the part of us that
believes you can fight City Hall. He's the fire in all of us that will
never stop burning. He's there somewhere. You can't completely kill
him because what Cauliflower stands for -- it's more powerful than any
disease -- than any wound or poison. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Misty looked at the big Neil Diamond poster. "I think so."
There was a knock at the Incredible Man-With-No-Life's door. "That must
be your parents. So, you feel all right? You want go to the LNH
Cafeteria and try some of Cheesecake Eater Lad's Christmas cheesecake
and some eggnog?"
"Yeah," Misty nodded her head and a tiny smile emerged on her face.
"That sounds okay."
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life opened his door. Mindy Summers gave her
daughter a big hug. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life picked up
Cauliflower's skateboard off his bed and placed it on Cauliflower's bed.
He paused for a bit as he looked at room. For a brief moment an image
of a tree popped into his mind. A Big Tree. Weird.
And then he joined the Summers in the hallway and shut the door behind him.
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Somewhere.
Somewhere there is a fire that never stops burning. There are voices
that never stop screaming. It's a place of misery and guilt. And
somewhere in this place there's a tree. A tree that never stops growing.
A glorious tree bigger than any tree there has ever been. A tree that
is stronger than any fire. Any disease. Any venom. It grows and
grows. Demons try to chop it down, but no axe can chop it. It grows so
large that not even Hell can contain. Its branches crack through Hell's
barrier and all the demons in the world cannot stop it from rising.
Their hate is useless against it. It grinds their hate and transforms
it into love.
Beyond Hell it stretches into Purgatory. And it grows and grows. Into
our dreams it grows. Into our hearts it grows. It goes beyond and
beyond. Nothing can stop it.
Finally one day, the tree grows so big that it reaches the Halls of
Paradise. It stretches into Heaven. But it doesn't pause. It just
keeps growing and growing. Not even Heaven can contain its beauty. It
grows and grows. It cracks through Heaven's barrier. Nothing can stop
it. It keeps growing and growing. It rises up towards the lands beyond
Heaven. It refuses to stop growing. Into the beyond it goes.
And somewhere a demon curses. "Goddammit!!! Who the *Hell* gave that
damn tree water!!!!"
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Credits:
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life is Enrique Conty's
Ultimate Ninja is wReam's
Organic Lass is Rebecca A. Drayer's
Bad Timing Boy is Vernon H Harmon's
Kyoko Ishikawa is Ken Schmidt's
Kid Kirby is Jameel's
Occultism Kid is Josh Geurink's
Vapid Veterinarian is Mark Friedman's
And I put Namer Boy, Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, Treesus Lyce, and The
Robot with Lawrence Welk's Brain into the Public Domain since I can't
imagine I'll ever use them in another story.
Author's Notes: I'd just like to add that as far as the whole Name the
Christmas Miracle Pooch contest went, my favorite name was Rob Rogers's
Doctor Apocalypse. I was tempted to give Cauliflower that name because
it would have been hilarious to have a little girl wanting to pet Doctor
Apocalypse. But I decided that since I was going to kill the dog, it
would be best that I name the dog. That way I wouldn't have to deal
with a pissed off Rob Rogers after killing the dog that he named. Also
it would have involved rewriting some scenes, which I was too lazy to
do. So there you have it. That's why the dog is named Cauliflower and
not Doctor Apocalypse. Besides Rob Rogers wins too many contests anyways.
I've always wanted to write a Christmas Story and a story filled with
tons of LNH characters. Hopefully, it turned out okay. I tried to do
something different from the typical Christmas Carol ripoff. This is
more of a Charlie Brown's Christmas ripoff with the Peanut's Gang going
to Hell to save Snoopy. Fuzzy is Lucy. Pocket Man is Charlie Brown.
Self-Righteous Preacher is of course Linus.
This story is dedicated in memory to my dog, Pepper, who died last year.
Pepper was kind of the opposite of Cauliflower in terms of morals.
Pepper had no problem stealing candy from babies, cheating at cards, and
biting people. And he really hated children with a passion. And I
don't think he liked Neil Diamond. But still. He was a great dog.
This story's for you, Pepper.
Pepper Spitzer
1987 - 2004
Arthur "Song Sung Blue" Spitzer
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
REPOST/LNH: Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch #4 out of 4:Beyond Heaven and Hell
And so this reposting ends....
This Holiday Special is brought to you by:
Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch Action Figures: Now you can
have fun recreating the Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch
mini-series in your own home! The set includes Dying-of-Disease-Little
Girl, Santa Claus-Strapped-to-a-Nuclear-Warhead, Namer Boy,
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, Treesus Lyce, and of course Cauliflower!
Money: Money. The more you have the more powerful you are! The more
you have the happier you are! If you had no money you would be on the
streets cold, starving, and rummaging through dumpsters! Money. You
need it. You need it bad! Money. This has been a public service
announcement brought to you by The Church of the Mammon Worshippers.
And now...
The JONG Company proudly presents:
CAULIFLOWER THE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE POOCH
#4 (out of 4)
Beyond Heaven and Hell
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life flipped through another magazine. It
was an issue of Net.tion.al Geo.graph.GIF. It had a big cover story on
Andale Atoll. There were pictures of the Andale Atoll beaches filled
with bikini-clad tourists sunbathing. There was also an interview with
Acton Lord in it. It was a pretty cheesy interview. Acton Lord went on
about the corruption of environmental protectionism and also slammed
Sig.Lad and the LNH. There was a lot of stuff in the article about
Robot Invasion. How old was this magazine? The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life looked at the cover. July 1994. Damn. That would
have been around the time of Retcon Hour. God, these magazines were
old. Hell, they probably weren't even in continuity. One of these days
he was going to have to tell someone to buy some updated magazines for
the waiting hallway. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life put the magazine
back in the magazine pile and picked another. Off in the distance, he
could hear the sound of Captain Clean-up's vacuum cleaner.
Occultism Kid returned yesterday with the Pinecone from the One True
Christmas Tree. A pinecone that would, according to legend, heal anyone
who believed in The Power of Christmas. Right now Organic Lass, Dr.
Stomper, Kid Kirby, Occultism Kid, and Vapid Veterinarian were in a room
trying to save Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch with that very
pinecone. And of course they would, wouldn't they? They had to. This
was a Christmas story. And that's how Christmas stories worked. They
always had a happy ending. Then again, this might be one of those
cynical postmodern type Christmas Stories, which deconstructs the whole
Christmas story genre. And if that was the case who knew what would
happen. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life sighed. This waiting was
killing him. He couldn't keep it up anymore. He wanted Cauliflower to
either be cured or dead. Something absolute. Something that resolved
all of this.
And after awhile, The Incredible Man-With-No-Life got that resolution.
Organic Lass, Dr. Stomper, Kid Kirby, Occultism Kid, and Vapid
Veterinarian all walked out of the room together. Each one except for
Kid Kirby looked exhausted.
"Well? Did it work?" asked The Incredible Man-With-No-Life. "Did the
pinecone work? Is Cauliflower all right?"
At first none of them answered. And they probably didn't need to answer
since the grave defeated look on each one of their faces answered the
question. Finally, Kid Kirby spoke. "Our will was strong, Incredible
Man-With-No-Life, but..." Kid Kirby gave a pause as if he really didn't
want to finish what he'd been saying. Finally, he did finish. "But the
Writer -- The Writer's will was stronger."
And somewhere, Captain Clean-up's vacuum cleaner filled the empty
silence with noise.
| | | | | | | | |
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--***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***--
There he was. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life saw the body on the
examining table. Cauliflower the Christmas Miracle Pooch's lifeless
body. He was dead. A few hours ago, he had been alive. But now? He
was dead. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life lightly brushed the fur on
Cauliflower's head with his hand.
"I'm sorry." The voice came from Occultism Kid who also was standing
there. "I must have picked the wrong tree. I must have. I thought it
was the right one. Should have searched longer."
"It's all right, Occultism Kid," The Incredible Man-With-No-Life
responded. "You tried. You went to Hell, and tried. Maybe there was
no tree. Maybe it was just a myth."
"Maybe. Hopefully, you're right. Just don't know." Occultism Kid
scratched his head.
"You know?" The Incredible Man-With-No-Life said looking at Occultism
Kid. "There's always one thing I wondered about Cauliflower. Where he
came from. We never found that out. He never talked about his past."
"I've got all kinds of sources in the Occult world. I'm sure they could
dig something up if you want," Occultism Kid suggested.
"It's tempting, but.." The Incredible Man-With-No-Life shook his head,
"Cauliflower wanted his past to be a secret. I don't know why he wanted
it to be, but he did. As much as I'd like to know, I've got to respect
that secrecy. Maybe he had good reasons for his secrets. Or maybe
there were some skeletons that Cauliflower didn't want us to know about.
Maybe Cauliflower was some kind of supervillain who had committed
horrible crimes and he came to Net.ropolis for some kind of redemption.
Or maybe not. I don't know. He didn't want us to know his past and
we have to respect that. Because of what he did."
"Yeah. You're probably right. Although as a betting man, I'd say that
his past was probably cleaner than most people, IMWNL."
There were a few seconds of silence as the two heroes stared at their
fallen comrade. Then the Incredible Man-With-No-Life resumed the
conversation. "You know. Considering all of the things Cauliflower did
while he was here, you would almost expect him to just rise up from the
dead. Don't you?"
Occultism Kid put his hand on The Incredible Man-With-No-Life's
shoulder. "Don't think so. I don't think that's going to happen, IMWNL."
"Yeah. You're probably right," The Incredible Man-With-No-Life said
petting Cauliflower one last time. "You're probably right."
| | | | | | | | |
--*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*--
--***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***--
Christmas Day
"The Brotherhood of Net.Villains sends their condolences. Out of
respect for Cauliflower they will refrain from attacking the LNH and
Net.ropolis for one week," Kyoko Ishikawa said reading a message pad in
her left hand.
"Yeah, right. I believe that," the Ultimate Ninja said rolling his
eyes. "I want surveillance doubled on all their members."
Kyoko scribbled something on a sheet of paper. "Oh, and there are these
two cults. One called the Church of the Living Cauliflower. The other
the Church of the Miracle Pooch. They both are requesting that the LNH
hand over Cauliflower's body over to their specific churches."
"That's just great. Well, tell them that they're too late. We already
handed Cauliflower's body to the Cult of the Cauliflower Pickers."
"We did what -- ?" Kyoko did a double take before she realized that the
Ultimate Ninja wasn't being serious. "Oh. I see. So where is this
'Cult of the Cauliflower Pickers' located?"
The Ultimate Ninja rubbed his chin as he thought about it. Finally he
answered, "Hmm. The Northpole sounds like a good location."
"The Northpole. Gotcha. Oh, and Oliver Stone called. He wants to
examine Cauliflower's body."
"Oliver Stone? Okay, this ought to be good. Explain to me why the hell
Oliver Stone wants to examine Cauliflower's body."
"Well, he's doing this film about Cauliflower and has this theory that
the CIA had Cauliflower assassinated to prevent him from becoming the
next President because they were afraid of his secret plan to end the
war in I.Racc and create a lasting Middle East peace. He also believes
that the Russians and Chinese may also be involved. And maybe even some
Space Aliens. Oh yeah, he's calling the film, 'The Passion of the
Cauliflower'. So what should I tell him?"
"Tell him we already handed Cauliflower's body over to a group of Space
Aliens with Russian accents. And tell him I want a refund for
'Alexander'. God, I can't believe this. Both Sig.Lad's and Lost Cause
Boy's deaths were picnics of sanity compared to this! Every goddamn
world leader wants to be at Cauliflower's funeral. We're even getting
ambassadors from outer space! Is it just me, or is all of this starting
to get totally ludicrous? He was a dog for God's sake! He was just a dog!"
Kyoko shook her head. "He wasn't just a dog, UN. He was Cauliflower."
"You're right. I'm sorry. He was Cauliflower. I guess I'm stressed
out. With the media swarming outside -- It's been a tough morning,
Kyoko. This is the worst part about being leader of the LNH. Arranging
funerals for members. I hate it. Every single time I hope it's the
last one. But I know it won't be." The Ultimate Ninja clenched his
fist as if he had a great desire to hit something. But there was
nothing to hit. "God, I hate it."
Kyoko nodded her head. There was silence for a few seconds before the
Incredible Man-With-No-Life entered the lobby and broke it.
"Umm, Ultimate Ninja? You wanted to see me?" asked the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life.
"Yes," the Ultimate Ninja said turning to face the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life. "I want you to do something for me. You know the
girl that Cauliflower saved? Misty Summers? Well, she and her family
are coming to the LNHQ at noon today. I want you to meet them and talk
to them."
"Me?" the Incredible Man-With-No-Life said in a shaky voice. "Why me?"
"Look. Normally I'd do this myself, but this is going to be a really
busy day for me. Not only do I have to help with managing the funeral,
but there are also a number of LNH crises taking shape. Apparently a
bunch of sentient snowmen have overthrown the Canadian government."
"Really? When did that happen?"
"Umm, not sure. Two weeks ago I'd guess. And well the LNH probably
should do something about it. Plus there have been rumors that Manga
Man has been trying to destabilize the economy in various fanfiction
newsgroups in a power grab attempt. I've got to send some teams to
check it out. If it's true we might be on the brink of a large
inter-newsgroup war. Hopefully we can stop it before it reaches that
point. So, it's going to be a busy day and I need you to do this for
me. Of all the LNH'rs you knew Cauliflower the best, so I figured you'd
be the best person to do this. Besides -- not like you've got anything
better to do, right?"
"Umm, yeah. I guess."
"Good. They'll be here at noon. You probably should comb your hair, or
something. Well, goodluck." And with that the Ultimate Ninja left the
lobby to go wherever LNH leaders go to when they have busy days.
| | | | | | | | |
--*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*--
--***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***--
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looked at his watch. It was noon. Why
was the Ultimate Ninja making him do this? Why couldn't he have given
this job to Catalyst Lass or Special Bonding Boy? There were good at
this sort of crap. What was he going to say to them? What could he say?
He glanced at the LNH's doorway. There was a guy and a woman in their
thirties walking through it. And he saw the guy holding the door open
for someone who he recognized. Misty Summers. She was looking a lot
better than she had when he'd seen her last. Still, she didn't look
very happy to be here. She looked nervous. Well, guess I'd better go
meet them, the Incredible Man-With-No-Life thought to himself.
"Hi, there. I'm the Incredible Man-With-No-Life. You must be Misty's
parents, right?"
The woman gave a large smile. "Yep. I'm Mindy and this is Mike -- my
husband." The man also smiled and waved his hand. "We just want to
thank you and the LNH for inviting us here."
"Well, you're certainly welcome. So, I take it Misty's feeling a lot
better?"
"Oh, it's just amazing what's happened. I just don't know where to
begin. We can't even begin to thank you for what you've done for our
daughter."
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life began to look a little uncomfortable.
"Well, you shouldn't be thanking me for it. It was Cauliflower. He was
the one who cured your daughter."
"Yes. Cauliflower." The name seemed to sober up whatever happiness
there was in the room. "I wish we'd had a chance to thank him. When we
heard the news -- it was devastating. It's been a strange week. On one
hand our daughter is healthy again, but on the other hand... It's
painful watching anyone die. Back when we had to watch Misty -- it was
horrible. There's nothing worse than watching your own child waste
away. And there's a point where you start to give up hope. Prayers
become meaningless. You start to wonder what color dress you're going
to bury your... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." A tear started to
stream down one of Mindy's eyes. Mike went over and comforted her.
"Misty's alive. She's alive. God. It's like a dream. Sometimes I'm
afraid it is a dream. Sometimes..."
"It's not a dream, Mrs. Summers. It's real," the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life said in a reassuring voice. "Would you like to see
Cauliflower's room? We shared a room and it still has quite a bit of
Cauliflower's stuff still in it."
"We could do that," Mike Summers said. "What do you think, Misty?
Would you like to go see Cauliflower's room?"
"I guess," Misty said in a not very cheerful voice looking away from
everyone.
"Well, okay," the Incredible Man-With-No-Life said starting to head
towards the LNHQ hallways. "You should probably stick close to me. The
LNHQ is a very weird place. Sometimes hallways and rooms disappear and
walls appear out of nowhere."
Suddenly, as if to illustrate that point, they heard someone shouting
something.
"Gang way, folks! I'm going for the world's record!" The voice was
Bad-Timing Boy's who was balancing on one hand on a bicycle that was
barreling through the hallway at incredible speeds. The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life quickly grabbed Misty's arm and pushed her to safety
from Bad-Timing Boy's out of control bicycle.
"Dammit, Bad-Timing Boy!" The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looked at
Misty. "Are you all right?"
Misty nodded her head although her heart was still beating rapidly.
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life looked around. There were no signs of
Bad-Timing Boy or Misty's parents. "Look. It's okay. Your parents are
somewhere in the LNHQ. I've got a comm.thingee back in my room. We can
use it to contact someone to go find them. Okay?"
Misty gave another nod as her heart rate returned to normal.
As they entered his room, the Incredible Man-With-No-Life clicked on his
comm.thingee. "Multi-Tasking Man? There are two normals somewhere in
the LNHQ. Mike and Mindy Summers. They're probably with Bad-Timing
Boy. I want you to get someone to find them and bring them to my room.
Oh yeah, tell them their daughter's fine. Thanks!" The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life clicked off his comm.thingee. "Your parents will
probably be here in a few minutes."
"This is Cauliflower's room. Also mine. The Ultimate Ninja was too
cheap to give Cauliflower his own room so we became roommates. There,
that bed," the Incredible Man-With-No-Life said pointing to a very small
bed, "That was Cauliflower's. You see that gigantic card on that wall?
That's a trophy from when Cauliflower teamed-up with Elvis Man and
saved Las Vegas from being destroyed by the Robot with Lawrence Welk's
Brain. And this..." The Incredible Man-With-No-Life picked up a very
small skateboard. "This was given to him by the California Kid.
California Kid designed it himself. Here," the Incredible
Man-With-No-Life said as he handed the skateboard to Misty to look at.
"And there?" the Incredible Man-With-No-Life pointed to a large
collection of CDs. "That's Cauliflower's Neil Diamond collection. God.
He had every single album that Neil Diamond ever made. Cauliflower
loved Neil Diamond almost as much as he loved eggnog. God." The
Incredible Man-With-No-Life picked out one of the CDs. The CD was
called Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show. "I really hate Neil
Diamond. But sometimes -- sometimes I miss it. The way Cauliflower
would come back to our room sometimes after a long grueling day of
saving the world and he would just crank that Neil Diamond up on the
stereo. I miss that." He put the CD back into its place on the rack.
"Miss that."
"I'm sorry," Misty said with a sad expression on her face.
Her voice brought the Incredible Man-With-No-Life back to the present.
"Sorry? For what?"
"For killing Cauliflower." Misty's eyes started to well up.
"No! Don't say that. Please? You didn't kill Cauliflower. Don't
think it. Here," He said as he helped Misty on to his bed. "Sit down.
And I'll try to explain. You see..." He looked at Misty and then he
looked at a big Neil Diamond poster on the wall.
"Cauliflower was the type of dog that if he saw something was wrong with
the world, he had to change it. Even if it were impossible, he would
try his hardest to make it possible. Sometimes no matter the cost he
would try. I don't know. I guess that day he saw you in your sick bed
-- he knew it was wrong. He had to change it. He had to stop this
little girl from dying and was willing to do whatever it took. He knew
the risks. But he still he had to do it. That was Cauliflower. He
wouldn't be Cauliflower if he didn't try to save us all. Don't feel
guilty, Misty. Cauliflower wanted you to live a long happy life.
That's why he did it. He wanted us all to be happy."
"Is he in heaven?" Misty asked.
"If there is one, he's there."
Misty looked directly into the Incredible Man-With-No-Life's face.
"What if there's no heaven?"
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life paused as if he wasn't sure what to say.
Then he finally answered. "I -- He lives in our memories. He lives
in our hearts. He's always going to be there. Cauliflower's always
there somewhere. He's the part of us that refuses to give up when
everything looks bleak. He's the helping hand to those that need help.
He's our compassion and forgiveness. He's the part of us that
believes you can fight City Hall. He's the fire in all of us that will
never stop burning. He's there somewhere. You can't completely kill
him because what Cauliflower stands for -- it's more powerful than any
disease -- than any wound or poison. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Misty looked at the big Neil Diamond poster. "I think so."
There was a knock at the Incredible Man-With-No-Life's door. "That must
be your parents. So, you feel all right? You want go to the LNH
Cafeteria and try some of Cheesecake Eater Lad's Christmas cheesecake
and some eggnog?"
"Yeah," Misty nodded her head and a tiny smile emerged on her face.
"That sounds okay."
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life opened his door. Mindy Summers gave her
daughter a big hug. The Incredible Man-With-No-Life picked up
Cauliflower's skateboard off his bed and placed it on Cauliflower's bed.
He paused for a bit as he looked at room. For a brief moment an image
of a tree popped into his mind. A Big Tree. Weird.
And then he joined the Summers in the hallway and shut the door behind him.
| | | | | | | | |
--*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*--
--***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***--
Somewhere.
Somewhere there is a fire that never stops burning. There are voices
that never stop screaming. It's a place of misery and guilt. And
somewhere in this place there's a tree. A tree that never stops growing.
A glorious tree bigger than any tree there has ever been. A tree that
is stronger than any fire. Any disease. Any venom. It grows and
grows. Demons try to chop it down, but no axe can chop it. It grows so
large that not even Hell can contain. Its branches crack through Hell's
barrier and all the demons in the world cannot stop it from rising.
Their hate is useless against it. It grinds their hate and transforms
it into love.
Beyond Hell it stretches into Purgatory. And it grows and grows. Into
our dreams it grows. Into our hearts it grows. It goes beyond and
beyond. Nothing can stop it.
Finally one day, the tree grows so big that it reaches the Halls of
Paradise. It stretches into Heaven. But it doesn't pause. It just
keeps growing and growing. Not even Heaven can contain its beauty. It
grows and grows. It cracks through Heaven's barrier. Nothing can stop
it. It keeps growing and growing. It rises up towards the lands beyond
Heaven. It refuses to stop growing. Into the beyond it goes.
And somewhere a demon curses. "Goddammit!!! Who the *Hell* gave that
damn tree water!!!!"
| | | | | | | | |
--*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*-- --*--
--***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***-- --***--
Credits:
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life is Enrique Conty's
Ultimate Ninja is wReam's
Organic Lass is Rebecca A. Drayer's
Bad Timing Boy is Vernon H Harmon's
Kyoko Ishikawa is Ken Schmidt's
Kid Kirby is Jameel's
Occultism Kid is Josh Geurink's
Vapid Veterinarian is Mark Friedman's
And I put Namer Boy, Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad, Treesus Lyce, and The
Robot with Lawrence Welk's Brain into the Public Domain since I can't
imagine I'll ever use them in another story.
Author's Notes: I'd just like to add that as far as the whole Name the
Christmas Miracle Pooch contest went, my favorite name was Rob Rogers's
Doctor Apocalypse. I was tempted to give Cauliflower that name because
it would have been hilarious to have a little girl wanting to pet Doctor
Apocalypse. But I decided that since I was going to kill the dog, it
would be best that I name the dog. That way I wouldn't have to deal
with a pissed off Rob Rogers after killing the dog that he named. Also
it would have involved rewriting some scenes, which I was too lazy to
do. So there you have it. That's why the dog is named Cauliflower and
not Doctor Apocalypse. Besides Rob Rogers wins too many contests anyways.
I've always wanted to write a Christmas Story and a story filled with
tons of LNH characters. Hopefully, it turned out okay. I tried to do
something different from the typical Christmas Carol ripoff. This is
more of a Charlie Brown's Christmas ripoff with the Peanut's Gang going
to Hell to save Snoopy. Fuzzy is Lucy. Pocket Man is Charlie Brown.
Self-Righteous Preacher is of course Linus.
This story is dedicated in memory to my dog, Pepper, who died last year.
Pepper was kind of the opposite of Cauliflower in terms of morals.
Pepper had no problem stealing candy from babies, cheating at cards, and
biting people. And he really hated children with a passion. And I
don't think he liked Neil Diamond. But still. He was a great dog.
This story's for you, Pepper.
Pepper Spitzer
1987 - 2004
Arthur "Song Sung Blue" Spitzer
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Online Stores that accept payment by check
I am looking for some book stores that sell comic books and graphic novels,
but accept cheques, bank drafts and other non credit card forms of payment,
from international banks, as other online stores do not seem to accept
cheques from international banks, only from US or UK banks. I do not own a
credit card, the interest rates are a turn off, and would like to purchase
graphic novels, as my local bookshop will undoubtedly stop getting Graphic
Novels in the future, as they are selling off theirs dirt cheap, tho I did
score a couple of 100 bullets graphic novels for between 4 and 6 euro each,
or between 5 and 7 US dollars to all non europeans. I was probably their
only customer :(.
Any help is greatly appreciated.
--
M.O.R
"I hold the world but as the world, a stage where everyman must play a part,
and mine a sad one" The Merchant of Venice (William Shakespeare)
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop
thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do
we." George Bush
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Online Stores that accept payment by check
I am looking for some book stores that sell comic books and graphic novels,
but accept cheques, bank drafts and other non credit card forms of payment,
from international banks, as other online stores do not seem to accept
cheques from international banks, only from US or UK banks. I do not own a
credit card, the interest rates are a turn off, and would like to purchase
graphic novels, as my local bookshop will undoubtedly stop getting Graphic
Novels in the future, as they are selling off theirs dirt cheap, tho I did
score a couple of 100 bullets graphic novels for between 4 and 6 euro each,
or between 5 and 7 US dollars to all non europeans. I was probably their
only customer :(.
Any help is greatly appreciated.
--
M.O.R
"I hold the world but as the world, a stage where everyman must play a part,
and mine a sad one" The Merchant of Venice (William Shakespeare)
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop
thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do
we." George Bush
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check out my eBay Art Auctions! DeZuniga, Buscema, Schaffenberger, DeCarlo, Frenz, & more!
Calling All Collectors!
My Original Art auctions have just started on the eBay auction
website!
Check everything out by clicking on the URL at the bottom of this
message which will bring you to a complete listing of all my auctions
running on eBay this week. Each has a detailed description and a scan
of the item being offered.
HERE'S WHAT IS BEING OFFERED THIS WEEK:
Ron Frenz SPIDER-GIRL #73 , Page 2 Splash Page
Ron Frenz SPIDER-GIRL #72 , Page 16 – SG Fight Page!!!
Curt Swan: A Life In Comics – Deluxe Slipcased Edition
World Encyclopedia Of Cartoons – 6 Volume Set – Softcover
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN Page Rough 013-3995
John Buscema PUNISHER WAR ZONE Page Rough 004-22
John Buscema AVENGERS Page Rough 008-2
John Buscema FANTASTIC FOUR 2099 Page Rough 022-19
Tony DeZuniga THE GOLEM from Strange Tales #176, Page 15
Sal Buscema & Unknown Penciller – BLACK LIGHTNING Pin-Up Illio
John Buscema CONAN & KNIGHT Sketches 0194
John Buscema SMIRKING FACE Sketch 0195
Patrick Oliffe SPIDER-GIRL #74, Page 19 -- Homage to Amazing
Spider-Man #33!
Joe Staton GUY GARDNER #13 – Set of 7 Consecutive Pages
John Buscema THOR Page 10 Rough from 1970s issue
John Buscema COSMIC POWERS Page Rough 024-9
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 046-30
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 047-38
Dan DeCarlo SABRINA #47 Splash Page
Kurt Schaffenberger SUPERBOY #37, Page 6
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 048-25
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 049-9
Joe Staton GUY GARDNER #4, Page 7
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 050-41
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 053-40
=========================================
ALL AUCTIONS END ON SUNDAY, AUGUST 29th!
=========================================
Check out all my auctions running this week by clicking on the below
link:
http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=sheltone&include=0&since=-1&sort=3&rows=25
============================================
One of these great items could be yours for the right bid!!!
Bookmark my auction page as I will have more new comic art for auction
in the upcoming weeks!
============================================
============================================
Visit My Website!
http://www.shel-tone.com/
Currently the site consists of the online catalog for Shel-Tone
Trading Card Sets (including some original card artwork), Comics
Anthologies and Compact Discs and features a PayPal shopping cart for
your buying pleasure. Sometime this year, we will be adding on
sub-sites for Original Comic Art Sales and Music Reviews.
Check us out, it's worth the trip!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Check out my eBay Art Auctions! DeZuniga, Buscema, Schaffenberger, DeCarlo, Frenz, & more!
Calling All Collectors!
My Original Art auctions have just started on the eBay auction
website!
Check everything out by clicking on the URL at the bottom of this
message which will bring you to a complete listing of all my auctions
running on eBay this week. Each has a detailed description and a scan
of the item being offered.
HERE'S WHAT IS BEING OFFERED THIS WEEK:
Ron Frenz SPIDER-GIRL #73 , Page 2 Splash Page
Ron Frenz SPIDER-GIRL #72 , Page 16 – SG Fight Page!!!
Curt Swan: A Life In Comics – Deluxe Slipcased Edition
World Encyclopedia Of Cartoons – 6 Volume Set – Softcover
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD OF CONAN Page Rough 013-3995
John Buscema PUNISHER WAR ZONE Page Rough 004-22
John Buscema AVENGERS Page Rough 008-2
John Buscema FANTASTIC FOUR 2099 Page Rough 022-19
Tony DeZuniga THE GOLEM from Strange Tales #176, Page 15
Sal Buscema & Unknown Penciller – BLACK LIGHTNING Pin-Up Illio
John Buscema CONAN & KNIGHT Sketches 0194
John Buscema SMIRKING FACE Sketch 0195
Patrick Oliffe SPIDER-GIRL #74, Page 19 -- Homage to Amazing
Spider-Man #33!
Joe Staton GUY GARDNER #13 – Set of 7 Consecutive Pages
John Buscema THOR Page 10 Rough from 1970s issue
John Buscema COSMIC POWERS Page Rough 024-9
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 046-30
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 047-38
Dan DeCarlo SABRINA #47 Splash Page
Kurt Schaffenberger SUPERBOY #37, Page 6
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 048-25
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 049-9
Joe Staton GUY GARDNER #4, Page 7
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 050-41
John Buscema SAVAGE SWORD Page Rough 053-40
=========================================
ALL AUCTIONS END ON SUNDAY, AUGUST 29th!
=========================================
Check out all my auctions running this week by clicking on the below
link:
http://cgi6.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=sheltone&include=0&since=-1&sort=3&rows=25
============================================
One of these great items could be yours for the right bid!!!
Bookmark my auction page as I will have more new comic art for auction
in the upcoming weeks!
============================================
============================================
Visit My Website!
http://www.shel-tone.com/
Currently the site consists of the online catalog for Shel-Tone
Trading Card Sets (including some original card artwork), Comics
Anthologies and Compact Discs and features a PayPal shopping cart for
your buying pleasure. Sometime this year, we will be adding on
sub-sites for Original Comic Art Sales and Music Reviews.
Check us out, it's worth the trip!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RANT: Dave's Capsules & Awards for Dec 20, 2006
Dave's Unspoilt Capsules and Awards
The Week's Picks and Pans, plus Awards of Dubious Merit
Standard Disclaimers: Please set appropriate followups. Recommendation does
not factor in price. Not all books will have arrived in your area this week.
Reminder, Thursday comics next two weeks. Rants, Capsules can be found on my
homepage, http://www.eyrie.org/~dvandom/Rants
First Look Comments:
Books I read over the weekend as First Looks, but didn't buy, so can't
really say much in detail about. DC has stopped having First Looks, so it's
just Marvel and Image...and there's word that Diamond doesn't want to bother
with the program at all anymore.
Illuminati #1: Marvel - A little retconned in coda to the Kree-Skrull
War. Tries to justify recent changes to characters by positing that they
were doing this sort of crap all along. $2.99/$3.75Cn
Union Jack #4 (of 4): Marvel - A decent resolution, if a bit dragged
out, like they had enough for three issues but didn't quite manage to stretch
it to four without the marks showing. $2.99/$3.75Cn
Capsules:
Short, relatively spoiler-free reviews of books I actually bring home
(as opposed to reading in preview form in the shop or online). If I get a
book late due to distributor foulups or whatever, I'll put it in the Missing
section.
Books of Note (Strongly Recommended or otherwise worthy): Shadowpact #8,
Secret Six #6 (of 6)
Herc & Thor Pocket Manga: Antartic Press - I ordered this because Rod
Espinosa's name was attached...sadly, he's not doing the art, just the plot.
Still, despite some occasionally confusing layouts by artist Yayoi Neko and a
few odd grammatical choices by scripter Dan Johnson, it was a fun story. I
get the feeling there's a missing section in the middle, though, concerning a
guy named Hirgoth who gets mentioned in the resolution at the end, but didn't
appear before that (the transition from the pizza place to Argont's office
seemed a bit abrupt too, so I'm thinking maybe a scene got left out there?).
Recommended. $14.95
Ninja High School #145: Antarctic Press - A Tetsuo-focused issue, which
gets inside his head without actually letting him change or grow (at least,
not yet). Annoying at times, but it's trying to be, and it's good at evoking
the desired response. Recommended. $2.99/$4.05Cn
Conan #35: Dark Horse - A tale of Conan as king, and more hints about
the nature of Wazir from the framing sequence (who I get the feeling may
eventually show up in one of the tales of Conan as more than an observer).
Good, solid story adapted by Truman, with good art by Paul Lee and Dave
Stewart. Recommended. $2.99.
Transformers Escalation #2 (TF #12): IDW - I got cover B, I liked the
design better. Heh, the UPC/price bit is a sticker, looks like someone
goofed on layout for the cover (or it was planned for a retailer exclusive
initially). Cute easter egg on the last page of story. The cliffhanger of
#1 resolves about how I think most people expected it would, and we get a bit
more worldbuilding regarding Decepticon strategy. Recommended. $3.99
Transformers Spotlight #4 (Sixshot): IDW - Again, cover B. Art by
Ruffalo, but it's not as bad as his usual stuff. Of the Spotlight issues,
this one seems the least tied-into an overall plot...whether the threat of
this issue is meant to dovetail into the uberplot later, or if Furman just
wanted to take a break and do a character sketch, it's too early to say.
Recommended. $3.99
Ms. Marvel #10: Marvel - Fight, talk, fight, talk, fight, angst.
Reasonably well-done fight-oriented issue, but it didn't really have the
impact I think writer Reed was shooting for. Mildly recommended.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
Thunderbolts #109: Marvel - The end of the current Nicieza run, a coda
to the Wellspring plotline. It generally smooths the transition to Ellis's
run, but unfortunately that just makes it clearer that I'm not going to want
to read that run (this is the last issue on my pull). At least they don't
try to put Radioactive Man in a hoodie this issue. Mildly recommended.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
She-Hulk v2 #14: Marvel - Awesome Andy spotlight issue, covering not
only a summary of his life since joining the cast, but also his origins and
how he came to be emancipated from the Mad Thinker. I'd call it a
bittersweet tale, but it doesn't have quite the level of cliched crap that
tends to draw the application of the term "bittersweet" these days. :)
Recommended. $2.99/$3.75Cn
Marvel Adventures Avengers #8: Marvel - After all the buildup this got,
it felt like Bedard phoned in this issue. The dialogue just sort of thuds
limply on the table, and the twist felt like Bedard was writing down to widde
kiddums. Yes, it's an all-ages book, but writing down to the audience tends
to result in bad writing, period. The art is mediocre, and the coloring
pretty bad. Pfeh. At least Parker's coming back next issue. Neutral.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
Cable & Deadpool #35: Marvel - A nice change of pace, after all the
"Cable can do anything he puts his mind to" plots of late, we get to see how
he doesn't always know best. There does seem to be a slight continuity oops
at the end, though (plot-device-related: shouldn't Cable's powers not work
for a while after a bodyslide?). Also has a "preview" of Wonder Man #1,
suggesting there was a dropped ball somewhere in scheduling. Recommended.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #15: Marvel - Ah, lots of old home week
stuff, plus a guest appearance by Stephen Colbert (sorta...he denies being
Colbert, and his right ear doesn't have a missing bit). Betty Brant easily
steals the show, though. Scott Eaton's art gets a little wooden in places,
but the layouts are good. Recommended. $2.99/$3.75Cn
52 #33 (of 52): DC - It's not a good sign that fifteen minutes after
reading this, I had to go back and glance through it before writing this
capsule. In other words, it really didn't leave much of an impression.
Mildly recommended. $2.50/$3.50Cn
Aquaman Sword of Atlantis #47: DC - Second half of the flashback story,
which seems in part intended to set up a "long term" plot that'll probably be
resolved pretty soon. It was okay, but that's about it. Mildly
recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Teen Titans #42: DC - The origins of Kid Devil, with guest art by
Snejbjerg that looks like a lot of it was drawn at half the usual size and
blown up...blurry and indistinct. Still, good to see one of the not-so-sucky
parts of Underworld Unleashed picked up on. Recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Shadowpact #8: DC - Man, it's the week for origins spotlights, innit?
This one is for Ragman, his origin getting not only explained but also
expanded, along with his mission and motivations. And I love it. The Shawn
McManus art doesn't work so well on the framing stuff, but it's very good for
the flashbacks and so forth. Strongly recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Secret Six #6 (of 6): DC - A strong ending to a strong series. And it
has monkeys! Strongly recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Gone Missing:
Stuff that came out some places this week and that I wanted to buy, but
couldn't find for whatever reason, so people don't have to email me asking
"Why didn't you review X?" (If it's neither here nor in the section above,
though, feel free to ask, I might have forgotten about it!)
Current list as of 12/20:
Still missing Gold Digger Tangent #2, Fred Perry's S-Guild #1,
Dr. Debunko: the Short Stories, Transformers Timelines Featuring Beast Wars
#1, Fallen Angel #11. Add Fallen Angel #8, which I had forgotten I never got
and my store had never ordered, and Devil's Panties #7 (this one's definitely
Diamond's fault, I had my store doublecheck my DP orders a few weeks ago).
Awards:
"Wait, Herc Is The RESPONSIBLE One? Clearly, I Read Too Much Marvel" Award
to Herc & Thor Pocket Manga
"King Rat" Award to Ninja High School #145
"Sometimes, It's Not So Good To Be The King" Award to Conan #35
"SLEIGHT of Hand, Guys" Award to Transformers Escalation #2 (of 6)
"Peace Or Else" Award to Transformers Spotlight #4 (Sixshot)
"Serial Self-Loathing" Award to Ms. Marvel #10
"Nah, Donnie, It Ain't Ugly...Just Boring" Award to Thunderbolts #109
"Letters In The Sand (Font)" Award to She-Hulk v2 #14
"Did Ironclad Meet Kiki The Ferret?" Award to Marvel Adventures Avengers #8
"Patchwork Guilt" Award to Cable & Deadpool #35
"Hey, Tony, See? There's Worse Signings!" Award to Friendly Neighborhood
Spider-Man #15
"She Still Won't Date You, Dick" Award to 52 #33 (of 52)
"Reef-er Madness" Award to Aquaman Sword of Atlantis #47
"Ho HO, Little Brother!" Award to Teen Titans #42
"How Do I Get Outta This Crazy Outfit?" Award to Shadowpact #8
"Keep It Under Your Hat" Award to Secret Six #6 (of 6)
Dave Van Domelen, "Cheshire, your womb is the most godawful dangerous
weapon I've ever faced." - Catman, Secret Six #6 (of 6)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RANT: Dave's Capsules & Awards for Dec 20, 2006
Dave's Unspoilt Capsules and Awards
The Week's Picks and Pans, plus Awards of Dubious Merit
Standard Disclaimers: Please set appropriate followups. Recommendation does
not factor in price. Not all books will have arrived in your area this week.
Reminder, Thursday comics next two weeks. Rants, Capsules can be found on my
homepage, http://www.eyrie.org/~dvandom/Rants
First Look Comments:
Books I read over the weekend as First Looks, but didn't buy, so can't
really say much in detail about. DC has stopped having First Looks, so it's
just Marvel and Image...and there's word that Diamond doesn't want to bother
with the program at all anymore.
Illuminati #1: Marvel - A little retconned in coda to the Kree-Skrull
War. Tries to justify recent changes to characters by positing that they
were doing this sort of crap all along. $2.99/$3.75Cn
Union Jack #4 (of 4): Marvel - A decent resolution, if a bit dragged
out, like they had enough for three issues but didn't quite manage to stretch
it to four without the marks showing. $2.99/$3.75Cn
Capsules:
Short, relatively spoiler-free reviews of books I actually bring home
(as opposed to reading in preview form in the shop or online). If I get a
book late due to distributor foulups or whatever, I'll put it in the Missing
section.
Books of Note (Strongly Recommended or otherwise worthy): Shadowpact #8,
Secret Six #6 (of 6)
Herc & Thor Pocket Manga: Antartic Press - I ordered this because Rod
Espinosa's name was attached...sadly, he's not doing the art, just the plot.
Still, despite some occasionally confusing layouts by artist Yayoi Neko and a
few odd grammatical choices by scripter Dan Johnson, it was a fun story. I
get the feeling there's a missing section in the middle, though, concerning a
guy named Hirgoth who gets mentioned in the resolution at the end, but didn't
appear before that (the transition from the pizza place to Argont's office
seemed a bit abrupt too, so I'm thinking maybe a scene got left out there?).
Recommended. $14.95
Ninja High School #145: Antarctic Press - A Tetsuo-focused issue, which
gets inside his head without actually letting him change or grow (at least,
not yet). Annoying at times, but it's trying to be, and it's good at evoking
the desired response. Recommended. $2.99/$4.05Cn
Conan #35: Dark Horse - A tale of Conan as king, and more hints about
the nature of Wazir from the framing sequence (who I get the feeling may
eventually show up in one of the tales of Conan as more than an observer).
Good, solid story adapted by Truman, with good art by Paul Lee and Dave
Stewart. Recommended. $2.99.
Transformers Escalation #2 (TF #12): IDW - I got cover B, I liked the
design better. Heh, the UPC/price bit is a sticker, looks like someone
goofed on layout for the cover (or it was planned for a retailer exclusive
initially). Cute easter egg on the last page of story. The cliffhanger of
#1 resolves about how I think most people expected it would, and we get a bit
more worldbuilding regarding Decepticon strategy. Recommended. $3.99
Transformers Spotlight #4 (Sixshot): IDW - Again, cover B. Art by
Ruffalo, but it's not as bad as his usual stuff. Of the Spotlight issues,
this one seems the least tied-into an overall plot...whether the threat of
this issue is meant to dovetail into the uberplot later, or if Furman just
wanted to take a break and do a character sketch, it's too early to say.
Recommended. $3.99
Ms. Marvel #10: Marvel - Fight, talk, fight, talk, fight, angst.
Reasonably well-done fight-oriented issue, but it didn't really have the
impact I think writer Reed was shooting for. Mildly recommended.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
Thunderbolts #109: Marvel - The end of the current Nicieza run, a coda
to the Wellspring plotline. It generally smooths the transition to Ellis's
run, but unfortunately that just makes it clearer that I'm not going to want
to read that run (this is the last issue on my pull). At least they don't
try to put Radioactive Man in a hoodie this issue. Mildly recommended.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
She-Hulk v2 #14: Marvel - Awesome Andy spotlight issue, covering not
only a summary of his life since joining the cast, but also his origins and
how he came to be emancipated from the Mad Thinker. I'd call it a
bittersweet tale, but it doesn't have quite the level of cliched crap that
tends to draw the application of the term "bittersweet" these days. :)
Recommended. $2.99/$3.75Cn
Marvel Adventures Avengers #8: Marvel - After all the buildup this got,
it felt like Bedard phoned in this issue. The dialogue just sort of thuds
limply on the table, and the twist felt like Bedard was writing down to widde
kiddums. Yes, it's an all-ages book, but writing down to the audience tends
to result in bad writing, period. The art is mediocre, and the coloring
pretty bad. Pfeh. At least Parker's coming back next issue. Neutral.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
Cable & Deadpool #35: Marvel - A nice change of pace, after all the
"Cable can do anything he puts his mind to" plots of late, we get to see how
he doesn't always know best. There does seem to be a slight continuity oops
at the end, though (plot-device-related: shouldn't Cable's powers not work
for a while after a bodyslide?). Also has a "preview" of Wonder Man #1,
suggesting there was a dropped ball somewhere in scheduling. Recommended.
$2.99/$3.75Cn
Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #15: Marvel - Ah, lots of old home week
stuff, plus a guest appearance by Stephen Colbert (sorta...he denies being
Colbert, and his right ear doesn't have a missing bit). Betty Brant easily
steals the show, though. Scott Eaton's art gets a little wooden in places,
but the layouts are good. Recommended. $2.99/$3.75Cn
52 #33 (of 52): DC - It's not a good sign that fifteen minutes after
reading this, I had to go back and glance through it before writing this
capsule. In other words, it really didn't leave much of an impression.
Mildly recommended. $2.50/$3.50Cn
Aquaman Sword of Atlantis #47: DC - Second half of the flashback story,
which seems in part intended to set up a "long term" plot that'll probably be
resolved pretty soon. It was okay, but that's about it. Mildly
recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Teen Titans #42: DC - The origins of Kid Devil, with guest art by
Snejbjerg that looks like a lot of it was drawn at half the usual size and
blown up...blurry and indistinct. Still, good to see one of the not-so-sucky
parts of Underworld Unleashed picked up on. Recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Shadowpact #8: DC - Man, it's the week for origins spotlights, innit?
This one is for Ragman, his origin getting not only explained but also
expanded, along with his mission and motivations. And I love it. The Shawn
McManus art doesn't work so well on the framing stuff, but it's very good for
the flashbacks and so forth. Strongly recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Secret Six #6 (of 6): DC - A strong ending to a strong series. And it
has monkeys! Strongly recommended. $2.99/$4.00Cn
Gone Missing:
Stuff that came out some places this week and that I wanted to buy, but
couldn't find for whatever reason, so people don't have to email me asking
"Why didn't you review X?" (If it's neither here nor in the section above,
though, feel free to ask, I might have forgotten about it!)
Current list as of 12/20:
Still missing Gold Digger Tangent #2, Fred Perry's S-Guild #1,
Dr. Debunko: the Short Stories, Transformers Timelines Featuring Beast Wars
#1, Fallen Angel #11. Add Fallen Angel #8, which I had forgotten I never got
and my store had never ordered, and Devil's Panties #7 (this one's definitely
Diamond's fault, I had my store doublecheck my DP orders a few weeks ago).
Awards:
"Wait, Herc Is The RESPONSIBLE One? Clearly, I Read Too Much Marvel" Award
to Herc & Thor Pocket Manga
"King Rat" Award to Ninja High School #145
"Sometimes, It's Not So Good To Be The King" Award to Conan #35
"SLEIGHT of Hand, Guys" Award to Transformers Escalation #2 (of 6)
"Peace Or Else" Award to Transformers Spotlight #4 (Sixshot)
"Serial Self-Loathing" Award to Ms. Marvel #10
"Nah, Donnie, It Ain't Ugly...Just Boring" Award to Thunderbolts #109
"Letters In The Sand (Font)" Award to She-Hulk v2 #14
"Did Ironclad Meet Kiki The Ferret?" Award to Marvel Adventures Avengers #8
"Patchwork Guilt" Award to Cable & Deadpool #35
"Hey, Tony, See? There's Worse Signings!" Award to Friendly Neighborhood
Spider-Man #15
"She Still Won't Date You, Dick" Award to 52 #33 (of 52)
"Reef-er Madness" Award to Aquaman Sword of Atlantis #47
"Ho HO, Little Brother!" Award to Teen Titans #42
"How Do I Get Outta This Crazy Outfit?" Award to Shadowpact #8
"Keep It Under Your Hat" Award to Secret Six #6 (of 6)
Dave Van Domelen, "Cheshire, your womb is the most godawful dangerous
weapon I've ever faced." - Catman, Secret Six #6 (of 6)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Online DM Magazine 18: mega report di Lucca Games e altro
DM Magazine è la sola rivista italiana dedicata interamente ai giochi
da collezione di ogni genere, dai giochi di ruolo ai classici giochi da
tavolo. La rivista è interamente gratuita ed è scaricabile e
diffondibile liberamente. Inoltre, la redazione è sempre aperta a
proposte e suggerimenti e accoglie a braccia aperte chiunque desideri
sottoporre articoli.
Diciottesimo numero di quella che si è ormai dimostrata una delle più
longeve testate italiane dedicate ai giochi, con la copertina
ovviamente dedicata a Lucca Games 2006! Il prossimo numero sarà online
dal 15 febbraio 2007.
Ecco il sommario del nuovo numero:
- COPERTINA "Tredici anni in crescendo" (C. A. Sacco). Un
megareportage ricco di foto che narra la più grande manifestazione
italiana e una delle maggiori al mondo dedicate ai giochi tout cour.
- "Dungeons & Bit" (L. Saggese). Prima di Warcraft, prima di
EverQuest, prima della Playstation c'erano gli adattamenti ludici di
Dungeons & Dragons al computer. Riscoprite insieme a noi i vecchi
titoli che fanno la gioia di tanti retrogamers!
- "La Storia Ancestrale" (G. Tonci). In un momento di grande crisi
per il gioco di ruolo, non solo in Italia, sembra incredibile pensare a
una collana da edicola che proponeva un gioco di ruolo fantasy per
ragazzi... eppure è successo.
- "Alkhavyr" (F. Corselli). Una nuova classe di personaggi per
AD&D, il Barbaro degli Elementi.
- "Cercasi avventurieri". Scrivete a che voi un articolo per DM
Magazine e magari diventate redattori.
La rivista può essere scaricata, con tutti gli arretrati, qui
www.grottadimerlino.com/dm_magazine.html
Avete proposte? Critiche? Insulti? Magari quelli non ci interessano
così tanto, ma se volete discutere di e con noi il nostro NUOVO forum
di discussione è qui:
http://therock.mastertopforum.net/viewforum.php?f=26
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Online DM Magazine 18: mega report di Lucca Games e altro
DM Magazine è la sola rivista italiana dedicata interamente ai giochi
da collezione di ogni genere, dai giochi di ruolo ai classici giochi da
tavolo. La rivista è interamente gratuita ed è scaricabile e
diffondibile liberamente. Inoltre, la redazione è sempre aperta a
proposte e suggerimenti e accoglie a braccia aperte chiunque desideri
sottoporre articoli.
Diciottesimo numero di quella che si è ormai dimostrata una delle più
longeve testate italiane dedicate ai giochi, con la copertina
ovviamente dedicata a Lucca Games 2006! Il prossimo numero sarà online
dal 15 febbraio 2007.
Ecco il sommario del nuovo numero:
- COPERTINA "Tredici anni in crescendo" (C. A. Sacco). Un
megareportage ricco di foto che narra la più grande manifestazione
italiana e una delle maggiori al mondo dedicate ai giochi tout cour.
- "Dungeons & Bit" (L. Saggese). Prima di Warcraft, prima di
EverQuest, prima della Playstation c'erano gli adattamenti ludici di
Dungeons & Dragons al computer. Riscoprite insieme a noi i vecchi
titoli che fanno la gioia di tanti retrogamers!
- "La Storia Ancestrale" (G. Tonci). In un momento di grande crisi
per il gioco di ruolo, non solo in Italia, sembra incredibile pensare a
una collana da edicola che proponeva un gioco di ruolo fantasy per
ragazzi... eppure è successo.
- "Alkhavyr" (F. Corselli). Una nuova classe di personaggi per
AD&D, il Barbaro degli Elementi.
- "Cercasi avventurieri". Scrivete a che voi un articolo per DM
Magazine e magari diventate redattori.
La rivista può essere scaricata, con tutti gli arretrati, qui
www.grottadimerlino.com/dm_magazine.html
Avete proposte? Critiche? Insulti? Magari quelli non ci interessano
così tanto, ma se volete discutere di e con noi il nostro NUOVO forum
di discussione è qui:
http://therock.mastertopforum.net/viewforum.php?f=26
